Liquid love


Last night I dreamed that you and I were drawing lines and we met at the middle of the paper, at the intersection of my left ear and your right eye. You and I were laughing as the sky was trembling, as the mountains were falling to the ground, as the seas were becoming dryer than the Sahara desert, as blades were falling from heavens and encircling us, building a cage that we could never escape from. You and I were playing chess on top of the mountains, along with the cold winds, on the edge of the sky, right beside the blue ribbon of nowhere, in the middle of the ocean, deep into its core made out of silent black covered in ink, right above the point where the rainbow begins, two palms away from our rusty shadows. You and I were falling in the abyss and you suddenly closed your eyes, and the darkness swallowed me whole, along with my screams and sorrow. You and I were burning down the lands with torches in our hands, a deep orange spreading all over and intoxicating us until our eyes turned grey and our hearts were left in the fire, to burn and become ashes and dust, like the whole earth. I woke up, frightened and shaking, but in the quietude of the night, curled in my bed, I heard your voice echoing from the other side of the world and I laughed as my heart was becoming liquid love.

…It’s like we are the same soul, split up in two frail bodies, thrown in opposite parts of the world. It’s like we are two old gods, two time-travellers, two damned souls who keep running towards each other, but something happens and they never meet. Maybe the Sun blinded one of them, maybe the Moon was missing one night and the other one had no one to watch over his steps, maybe they took the wrong turn and got lost in the maze, maybe fall came too early and they froze to death, maybe, maybe this was not meant to be now, maybe we should wait a little longer, a thousand more hours or maybe one more life. I’ve been thinking, maybe soulmates can miss each other in one of their lives, maybe we can never meet in this one, because the time, or the times, are not right. Maybe we are meant to meet elsewhere, on a new ground, in a new world.

It’s like we are two silent lovers, each one watching over the other from their part of the sky. It’s like we are the Sun and the Moon, doomed, destined to never touch each other’s skin, destined to never see each other’s eyes at dawn, destined to never listen to our heartbeats’ drawing  us, our hands intertwined, our bodies tangled like two strings, our souls’ dripping shades on canvas, destined to keep missing each other. You resemble the Moon, as you watch over my tormented sleep, and I am like the Sun, willing to keep you warm at any cost, willing to give up on myself as long as you get to wake up one more day. I recognize you with my eyes closed, I’d recognize you in a million worlds, under a million names and faces, for your soul calls me by the first name I have ever received, one which kept whispering I love you in every language there is, until there were no more languages and by the time that happened, I had already been dust thrown into the sea.

Maybe we cannot meet in this life, maybe we are right for each other but one of us was late and the clouds had already gathered. Maybe I will keep missing you until the day I die, maybe I will never be fully happy, maybe I will live a decent, comfortable life- but not the life I had wanted, not the life my heart was screaming for- maybe on a rainy day in November I will trick myself into settling down and I will close the back door which goes to the clouds, maybe one day I will forget about my pen, my notebooks  and the way my hand moves on the paper when I write. However, I will never forget your name, as it is written with bold letters, stronger than any divine power, into the back of my neck, at the exact point where you connect the wires and assemble a human, at the exact point where life itself pulsates. I could never forget you, for you are my whole soul, and your eyes are rooted at the core of my existence. Wherever I go, whoever I am with, you are here, with me, too. Whenever I laugh, your laugh doubles mine, whenever you laugh, it echoes back to me.

Whatever I am made of, I am yours. Whatever you are made of, you are me. We are liquid sunrises, liquid shooting stars poured into the horizon, we are liquid love spread across the universe, we are liquid, we flow, like time, we flow and we connect, we tangle, we get thinner and then thicker, we are time and we are expanding to the point of no return, we are time and we are running out of ourselves.

{ I heard your voice echoing from the other side of the world and I laughed as my heart was becoming liquid love. I was melting, I was turning into liquid and I gently kissed you one more time with my half-fingers running through your hair, I was melting and I whispered your name one last time, hoping it would last an eternity and a half- just the amount of time needed for the liquid to reach the end of time and come back to you. I was melting and turning into liquid love and I saw all my lives with and without you, I saw you in every form and shape, I saw you with hazel eyes and with green-emerald eyes, I saw you until the last drop of me hit the ground and the sound shattered the earth. I had been all done with, wasted, but so was the whole world. My liquid love covered everything, every inch of grass, every rain drop, every planet and dust speck, my liquid love ended it all }

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